Can't we just get laid????

Monday, March 27, 2006

Do we just crave drama? Or is it just me?

I'm bored at work and with nothing left to file, no one left to IM, and no one left to email, I'm left with blogging. Sigh. It has been months since I last blogged and crikey, I have nothing new to write about. I'm still knee-deep in this unhealthy relationship-not-a-relationship thing with a "friend." And even though I know it'll end any day now, I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I went out with a guy three times that I was TOTALLY not interested in just because I crave the male attention. Some may call that "needy"...whatever. And to top things off, I'm going to spend a whole day with an ex who I don't have true closure with, which has caused problems for me in the past, and I find myself ACTUALLY tempted to create some more drama there just for the sake of causing drama. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just live a normal stable existence? Is there something in my genes? Maybe there's something in the water?

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

PIV and 5 hotties

so when is it okay for friends and barely acquaintances to ask personal questions about your love life? and when does personal become TOO personal? this weekend i went to a holiday party and was interrogated to no end about Crustacean. and not just interrogated, i was grilled. all inappropriate easy questions like "Are you guys dating?" or "Do you like him?" no, that would be too kind. no, i got questions like "Is he moving here?", "Are you in love?", and a question about PIV. i was not familiar with what PIV stood for prior to this weekend but now, i'm fully aware. in case you care to be enlightened, PIV = penis in vagina. can we say, inappropriate? uh, yeah. so it ended up being an interesting and very awkward weekend yet again. i guess that just happens when you are in an awkward psuedo-relationship. sigh.

on a different note, here's my top 5 men who instantly make me cream in my pants (as Dirty Whore so eloquently quoted from my drunken vernacular), and you may see some repeats here:

1. Josh Duhamel - OK, so i don't watch las vegas any more and from the few ads i see, i don't think i'm missing much but oh my god, he's unbelievably hot. if you haven't watched "win a date with tad hamilton," go out and rent it because it is SOOOO worth it for him and topher.

2. Jake Gyllenhall - uh, have you seen him with the puggle? awww...

3. Ed Norton - yeah he hasn't done much recently but american history x! need i say more...

4. Patrick Dempsey - oh god, how good is grey's anatomy and how amazing is it to see him grow from the dorky little lawnmower boy to doctor mcdreamy. break me off a piece of that!

5. Taye Diggs - after seeing Rent, he's definitely on my list. yum.

Male Catalogue

in the midst of a sex drought (although some may argue that 3 weeks does not a sex drought make)...i thought, well...i'm not getting laid...but i can at least fantasize about it, no? and why fantasize about regular folks when we have a slew of Hot Celebrity Men to drool and sweat (or as Slutty McHobag likes to say...cream) over. hehe. gross.

so as an homage to
People Magazine's latest installment of Sexiest Man Alive, let's create our own Sexy Man Catalogue. Oh Matthew McConaughey, i'd do you, but there are others that would come (hee, again!) first...

Dirty Whore's Top Five Men She'd Like In her Bed (or kitchen floor, or couch, know...):

1. Gael Garcia Bernal-- omg, his eyes! his accent! his smile! its just TOO MUCH.
2. George Clooney-- this man gets better and better with age
3. Johnny Depp-- i've loved you since 21 Jump Street...
4. Jake Gyllenhal-- tres sexy eyes, the scruffy facial hair...and he's gonna be a Gay Cowboy!
5. Taye Diggs-- once you go black?...and his smile, is there anything cuter?

So Slutty McHobag, who makes, cream your pants?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Casual Sex?

can sex ever just be casual? i mean, when i want to have a "casual" lunch, i don't get naked, contort myself into God-awful (yet bewilderingly enjoyable) positions and exchange bodily fluids with my lunch date. i mean, sometimes i may want to, but i usually keep those thoughts inside my head for fear of arrest. the point is, sex is anything but casual. even when it's devoid of emotion, even when it's done piss drunk, fucking can be fuckin' intimate.

for the past few months, i've been in a "casual" relationship with HJ. there are no serious emotional entanglements, no expectations, and no doing of any "relationship-y" activities (going to dinner, seeing movies) other than doing each other. it's just sex. but that doesn't mean it's not something. sure, it's barely a regularly scheduled occurence (the going rate is every 2 weeks), but it's beyond the anonymity of a one-night stand. he hasn't just been inside me, he's been inside my home, observing all the small particulars that make up my life-- the clutter of magazines in the corner of my room, the fact that i have two packs of floss in the bathroom, the fridge filled with veggies i may or may not eat. and i have the same opportunities for judgement and insight: he's shown me pics of him from college, he has nothing in his fridge but eggs and diet coke, his couch is old but comfy.

all these fine points interfere with the original set-up--we were never suppose to get to know each other. there was never an intention to have sex turn into conversations and conversations turn into funny reference points for a future rendezvous. in my loneliest days, i confuse this collection of initmate details with a flip in my stomach, that stir in my heart shaking me to think maybe i really like this guy. but every time he walks out the door, i remember that details don't add up to a relationship when it's not wrapped with sensitivity, caring, and support.

so though we may never love each other, we'll continue to notice what works (and doesn't work) in bed, recognize freckles and scars as familiar, and exchange kisses filled with passion but not necessarily romance. it's invigorating, it's tense, and sometimes, it's sad. but it's never just casual. i'm just not that kind of girl.

Why do I care about crustaceans and not the civil war?

crustaceans. we're talking lobsters, shrimps, crabs. we've all eaten them, some are allergic to them. they've even made an appearance on friends as in "he's her lobster!" in the infamous prom episode. insert Pseudo-Lobster here. so i'm involved with Psuedo-Lobster, a friend of a few years who after an unexpected weekend in september, became more than just a friend. in most cases, one would think, what a great situation right? hooking up with a friend, you already know each other, you have lots of friends in common, wonderful no? again, i don't like to keep things simple. no, this one is many miles away and we have super gossipy-mutual friends. did i mention he's many miles away? many = requires a plane ride or a really really long drive. needless to say, after the unexpected weekend in september, two rendezvous with a third rendezvous quickly approaching, many late-nite phone calls and text messages (as Dirty Whore can attest to), and several DTRs, Psuedo-Lobster and i are still doing whatever it is we're doing. sigh, and the saga continues...

but trsut me, this unhealth relationship with Psuedo-Lobster hasn't stopped me from checking out what else is out there or go on non-dates/dates. let's see, there's Baggage Boy, which was definitely a non-date because who brings up their ex-girlfriend THAT often? i mean, that's wonderful that you guys used to do everything together and your last big trip was to taiwan and hong kong but really, when you first meet someone of the opposite sex potential or not, do we really need to hear about your ex? anyway, so despite his cuteness, Baggage Boy will probably just end up falling in the FRIEND category . sigh. and then there's General Lee. he's called that because well, he appears to have an unhealthy obsession with the civil war. need i say more? so my non-date with General Lee quickly became a date-date as soon as he paid for the bill on his way to the bathroom without giving me a chance. and to confirm it was a date-date, he left an awkward (and i do mean, awkward) voicemail message a few days later which was anything but breezy and actually used the word "date." WHO DOES THAT? anyway, it's hard to tell what category General Lee will fall under because i was a bit under the weather on our date. but my gut tells me that even the FRIEND category is doubtful.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

and THIS single gal needs...

a shorter commute, a boyfriend (i'd settle for a tangible fling), and a vacation. is that so much to ask for? i suppose it is because i've been living here for three months now and haven't managed any of the above. i haven't accomplished the 1st item or 3rd items on my list and somehow, managed to do the complete opposite of the 2nd item. is it because i crave the drama? or is it too much to ask for? sigh. so this is my inaugural post...Dirty Whore can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

this single gal needs... finish her homework. to acquire a new wardrobe without spending any money. to take more pictures to supplement her (lack of) drunken memories. to go to the gym more. to find a Good Man to kiss, hug, and sometimes lean on. to find a Sexy Man for lotion rub-downs and then some during the dark winter months (note: Good Man and Sexy Man can be the same-- but not required). to laugh and scream more with friends. to slow-dance with cute boys cuz its cheezy AND romantic. to keep searching for her Dream Job and to never settle for just any man. to find even more ways to procrastinate than blogging with Slutty McHobag here about our hopes, dreams, dislikes, burdens, neuroses, fantasies, the quest for butterflies in the stomach, and the fear of growing old alone...

Slutty McHobag, what do you need?